


Brother, Dear Brother

by AnywherePlace (BrownShrike)



Category: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 魔道祖师 | Módào Zǔshī (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brother/Brother Incest, F/M, Forbidden Love, Half-Sibling Incest, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Questionable Humor, Sibling Incest, Trans Character, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrownShrike/pseuds/AnywherePlace
Summary: Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang were raised separately, but when Nie Huaisang becomes a successful webcomic artist, they finally get to know each other properly. This can only mean one thing: shameful and forbidden infatuation.
Relationships: Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén & Niè Míngjué, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo, Niè Huáisāng/Niè Míngjué
Comments: 42
Kudos: 117
Collections: Mó Dào Zǔ Shī | The Untamed Kink Meme 2020





	1. Temptation

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [mo_dao_zu_shi_kink_meme_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/mo_dao_zu_shi_kink_meme_2020) collection. 



> I AM SO SORRY FOR HIJACKING THIS PROMPT with my dumbass ideas, but it sounded so nice, I simply had to tackle it. Anyway, time for some quick notes! Primo: let's just agree that this story takes place in Modern Fantasy China that simply happens to share a name with Real China (as in, my fics will NEVER EVER be realistic in any sense of the word). Secundo: the main pairing is Nie-cest, but some background pairings will also be mentioned. Tertio: Nie Huaisang's gender will be toyed with. I'm also using _gege_ instead of _dage_ (to highlight the fact that their relationship dynamic is different here). ALSO, I'm not planning to reveal everything about their family drama. Hints should be enough! Haha.
> 
> To mods: please deanon me.
> 
> **Prompt:** Modern AU Niecest where they grew up separately, maybe they were at different boarding schools. They almost never saw each other in person but when they finally spend some time together they can't stop wanting each other.
> 
> Bonus for femme NHS (trans NHS works too) and for liberal use of "gege" and "didi."
> 
> No underage, scat, emeto, piss, dubcon, noncon.

Meeting your half-brother after fifteen years is bound to be somewhat awkward.

Nie Mingjue is the type who values family above everything else, and this certainly applies to Nie Huaisang, the son of his late father and Madame Zhu Zhuoxuan, but in his case, this is more of an... abstract concept, really, because Nie Mingjue barely remembers him. Last time they met, he was eight, tiny and fiercely obsessed with songbirds. Nie Mingjue liked him well enough, but they didn't have much to talk about, because Nie Mingjue himself was obsessed with basketball and linear algebra, and songbirds ‒ at best, Nie Mingjue was aware that they existed. But Nie Huaisang was alright. Always had colored pencils in his pockets, which Nie Mingjue thought was cute.

Later, their complicated family situation gradually shifted from 'shitty but bearable' to 'unbelievably shitty'; Nie Mingjue spent most of his time at the boarding school, away from the raging storm, but even so, he doesn’t like to reminisce about those days. His temper is horrible enough as it is, and war flashbacks don’t exactly make it better. Bizarrely, his grandparents always refer to the entire ordeal as 'our little problem', though to be fair, his grandparents are in their nineties now. Maybe you just stop caring once you hit ninety.

Still, family is family, and in any case, this definitely isn't Nie Huaisang’s fault. Unlike Nie Mingjue, the poor kid probably had to witness the dirtiest parts of the whole feud. Thankfully, he seems to be okay now ‒ or at least he sounded okay in his polite, overly formal but pleasant message. He told Nie Mingjue that he was a professional webcomic writer and artist; Nie Mingjue had zero interest in comics, but he decided to be a nice older brother and looked the title up. _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ turned out to be a sprawling fantasy epic and something of a rapidly spreading, wildfire-like social phenomenon among Chinese, Taiwanese, Vietnamese, and Korean teenagers; it also made Nie Mingjue feel old ‒ old but proud, because his younger brother had a job he was good at. Damn good, in fact: the art in _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ was straight-up gorgeous, with handsome long-haired characters and exquisite outfits everywhere.

It does say a lot about their clan though: his brother is effectively an international celebrity in the making, and nobody ever talks about it. And sure, _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ is published under a funny-sounding pseudonym, Vengeful Little Dictator Bird or something along those lines, and his blog is almost surprisingly laconic and impersonal, used only for chapter updates, important announcements for readers, links to official merchandise and things like that, but ‒ they are relatives. It feels weird, plain and simple. Moreover, apparently _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ is getting a TV adaptation soon, and shouldn't everyone be thrilled and happy for Nie Huaisang, Madame Zhu's past escapades be damned? He has nothing to do with them. So, in spite of his vague anxiety, Nie Mingjue decides to greet Nie Huaisang warmly when he finally emerges from the train at the crowded Beijing West railway station. 

"Hey," he says. "Hey there."

Yeah, he thinks, still tiny. Most people seem small compared to Nie Mingjue, but Nie Huaisang is _tiny_ tiny, and somehow his green beret only makes him appear shorter. 

"Hello, _gege_ ," he replies. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me. I promise I won't..."

"Oh, come on," Nie Mingjue sighs. "Haven't we talked about that over the phone already? You can stay at my place, period. Not 'for a while', you get it? Just do whatever you need and focus on your work. It sounds pretty massive."

"I don't want to impose on you," Nie Huaisang insists. "But it's Beijing, and I..."

" _Alright_ ," Nie Mingjue interrupts him. "Let's go home."

They don't talk much on their very long way to Nie Mingjue's apartment; Nie Huaisang is obviously not a country boy by any reasonable standard, but he is clearly overwhelmed. Or maybe the bustling city has nothing to do with it; maybe he doesn't know what to say to this huge leather-clad guy who is supposed to be his half-brother. Nie Mingjue's best friend Lan Xichen likes to say that his default expression is actually mildly terrifying, and Lan Xichen is rarely terrified by anything at all because he is training to become a full-fledged trauma surgeon. So Nie Mingjue mostly asks Nie Huaisang casual, non-intrusive questions about his trip and the weather.

"Wow," Nie Huaisang breathes out when they finally arrive at his apartment. "It's... big."

Nie Mingjue shrugs. "Dunno if it's good for an artist, but..."

"Ah, no," Nie Huaisang shakes his head. "I'm a digital artist, I only really need my tablet to draw. No oils or anything like that! I won’t poison you with solvents, _gege_."

Well. If nothing else, he is chipper enough to joke.

Over dinner, they discuss their lives in a measurably less strained manner. Nie Huaisang doesn't mention their 'little problem' much, and Nie Mingjue doesn’t pry. Turns out Nie Huaisang's grades used to be abysmal, but things improved drastically once he enrolled into art school. He doesn't boast about it, but Nie Mingjue can tell by his comic alone that he was the precious jewel of the Illustration and Sequential Art faculty.

"I was hopeless," Nie Huaisang giggles shyly and covers his mouth with his hand in a strangely graceful gesture. "Only good at Chinese and Fine Arts. And my mother would always talk about how my _gege_ was a genius."

"Nah," Nie Mingjue waves his hand. Deep down, he feels bad about this: her difficult personality aside, Madame Zhu has always treated him as this flawless, exemplary Chinese son ‒ she still does, judging by her occasional New Year e-mails and spontaneous phone calls. Must've been hard for Nie Huaisang. "My buddy Lan Xichen is a genius, I'll give you that. Me, I just... studied a lot."

"You liked linear algebra," Nie Huaisang objects hastily. "I have no idea what linear algebra is _about_ , and I'm twenty-three."

"Well, _you_ knew everything about birds when you were, what, eight?” Nie Mingjue laughs. "I can tell crows and sparrows apart, but that's about it."

"I'm sure you would recognize a peacock if you met one, _gege_ ," Nie Huaisang snickers. "But... wow, I'm surprised you remember it."

"You're my brother," Nie Mingjue says. "Frankly speaking, our family is a hot mess, but it's not like you don’t matter to me."

Thanks to his boarding school experience, Nie Mingjue doesn't mind sharing his living space with complete strangers, and compared to some of his former schoolmates, Nie Huaisang is a total treasure: for one, he is generally quiet and tidy, he doesn't leave his stylish shirts and expensive-looking silk scarves all over the furniture, and while his cooking skills are sadly nonexistent ‒ kids these days, Nie Mingjue thinks with a wry grin ‒ he is at least honest about it, unlike those guys who desperately want to appear independent and ruin tons of perfectly nice groceries in process. 

"I'm sorry, _gege_ ," Nie Huaisang apologizes sadly. "I guess I'm only good at drawing and writing."

"Yeah, your imagination is pretty fantastic," Nie Mingjue agrees. "How did you come up with that... demonic cultivator thing? I haven't finished it yet, but it's seriously wild."

"Thanks for reading it, _gege_!" Nie Huaisang's ears turn very, very red. "I saw the main character in a dream once, and then it sort of... spiraled from there."

Ah, dreams. They can be interesting indeed.

Most of the time, Nie Huaisang works from his room, busy building his intricate and sophisticated world of gods, fairies, noble cultivators, emperors, princesses, and treacherous advisors, though he also attends meetings: apparently, the TV drama committee is making changes to his story, but he has been graciously allowed to supervise the project as the original creator.

"They're toning down the violence," Nie Huaisang explains to Nie Mingjue. "And editing the final scenes a bit so that the good guy becomes the Supreme Cultivator of China and not the sleazy one."

"Are you letting them do that?" Nie Mingjue frowns. "The sleazy guy is so realistic."

"Well, my comic is still there," Nie Huaisang points out. "True fans will know."

Huh. Aren’t you sly.

As days and weeks pass, they become more and more accustomed to each other's presence, sometimes in unexpected ways. One day, Nie Huaisang falls asleep while watching a news program, with his head on Nie Mingjue’s shoulder, and Nie Mingjue finally realizes that his brother doesn't even smell like an ordinary guy: his shiny wavy hair carries a soft floral fragrance, and no matter how stereotypical it might sound, his skin can only be described as porcelain.

This is the truly awkward part.

Nie Mingjue is twenty-nine, too old for an earth-shattering gay awakening. He had his completely trivial, uneventful gay awakening at the age of sixteen, and Lan Xichen was the first person he kissed. They weren't really each other's types and decided to remain best friends, which was a remarkably wise decision for two teenage boys; Lan Xichen went on to have a rather earth-shattering romance with Jin Guangyao, a ballet dancer and an exceptionally vile person according to Nie Mingjue's not-so-humble opinion, but that, of course, is a story for another day. Either way, Nie Mingjue _knows_ that he is into guys, but Nie Huaisang is very much not a random guy. As fate would have it, Nie Huaisang is his half-brother, and the fact that they are barely acquainted due to their convoluted family circumstances is not going to change that. Ogling his admittedly adorable round face is out of the question; Nie Mingjue is supposed to take care of him, to guide him, and to teach him how to cook something other than instant noodles, among other things.

And _yet_.

It doesn't help that unlike Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang is _absolutely_ Nie Mingjue’s type ‒ petite, huggable, delicate, and sweet like a cinnamon roll, Nie Mingjue's distaste for overused metaphors notwithstanding. One day, when Nie Huaisang leaves for another meeting, Nie Mingjue rips a bunch of old work-related printouts into pieces and hits a pillow once or twice to distract himself from these disgusting thoughts. Eighteen times, to be more exact. It helps, and when Nie Huaisang returns, visibly elated and excited about his TV show, Nie Mingjue finds himself able to greet him with a neutral friendly expression, which counts as an accomplishment, all things considered.

...When Nie Huaisang wakes up, his eyes widen in embarrassment.

"Um, _gege_ ," he stammers as blush creeps onto his cheeks. "I... I fell asleep on you."

"No worries," Nie Mingjue murmurs with a faint tinge of repressed regret as Nie Huaisang distances himself from him. "You... aren't heavy."

"I am, actually," Nie Huaisang laments. "You should've seen my tummy."

Tummy. Nie Mingjue snorts at this childlike word. Come to think about it, Nie Huaisang has never gotten naked in front of him ‒ not that he _wants_ him to, not while he is struggling with intrusive thoughts, but realistically speaking, most brothers aren't that shy about taking their shirts off around each other.

"Anyway, your _head_ isn’t heavy," Nie Mingjue concludes. "How about you go to sleep? You've been working non-stop. Are you trying to churn out a sequel or what?"

"No sequels, _gege_ ," Nie Huaisang responds firmly. "I don't believe in milking stories to death. But I'm thinking about a new comic, and..."

He yawns, and Nie Mingjue pats him lightly on the back. "See? Go to bed already. I'm going back to the company office tomorrow ‒ will you be okay on your own?"

"I'm an adult fantasy artist," Nie Huaisang pouts. "I can microwave something."

They exchange long stares and burst into laughter. You are simply confused, Nie Mingjue reprimands himself, you simply aren't used to having a brother because your entire family unfortunately happens to be insane, and you can't tell the difference between normal affection and... abnormal affection. This will pass if you spend more time together, this will...

"I'm so grateful to you, _gege_."

A timid smile forms on Nie Huaisang's lips as he tugs gently on Nie Mingjue's sleeve. Don't look at me like that, you absolute disaster, don't you ever look at me like that.

"I wasn't planning to stay at your place for more than a couple of days," Nie Huaisang continues. "And I _will_ move out as soon as you tell me to."

"Nonsense," Nie Mingjue groans.

"...but I swear I'm enjoying this so much. I've known _about_ you forever, but now I'm getting to know _you_ at last, and..." Nie Huaisang pauses. "Guess what? When I was a kid, I thought you were kinda scary. You loved algebra _and_ sports! And you were taller than grandpa! And whenever my mother showed your photos to me, I felt she liked you better because you weren't dumb. Funny, isn’t it?"

Somewhere in Nie Mingjue's heart, a volcano erupts, eager to incinerate Madame Zhu.

"But turns out you're literally the best part of my family," Nie Huaisang says with disarming honesty. " _However_! I am fully prepared to move out. I mean... it's your apartment, and what if you want to spend time with _girlfriends_ , and..."

Nie Mingjue clears his throat. "About that. I'm... I need to discuss something with you, but there's no point in doing it when you're half-asleep, right? For now, don't... worry about my girlfriends."

"I won't," Nie Huaisang nods, and Nie Mingjue sees a faint twinkle in his eyes. "I'll... probably have to discuss something with you as well. Good night, _gege_."

Later that night, alone in his bedroom, Nie Mingjue orders himself to stop being ridiculous. Don't you dare, he practically hisses at himself, don't you dare to upset this beautiful, talented little weirdo who trusts you this much. All of a sudden, a line from _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ comes to his mind: Heaven itself might forgive you, but you will never forgive yourself.

Carried by dark waves of his own anger, Nie Mingjue drifts away into sleep.


	2. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is written for a kink meme, therefore I'm allowed by Heaven itself to go absolutely feral with my bullshit. Just for a change. You know. Normally, I'm a mature person who writes exquisite prose full of psychological depth and subtlety. Yeah. Right. Also, this is getting longer than expected. I'm deeply sorry for messing with these poor brothers for my own amusement.

Sometimes Nie Mingjue regrets not coming out to his father, and sometimes he doesn't.

Nie Mingjue likes to be honest with his family, but his father passed away when Nie Mingjue was twenty, completely oblivious to the fact that his son was strictly into guys. Maybe he didn't need to know it in the first place. Maybe it was a selfish wish on Nie Mingjue's part. By the way, why didn't he approach Nie Huaisang during the funeral? Surely his younger brother was there, he had to be, obviously, but Nie Mingjue didn't even notice him, which was fantastically insensitive of him. His father's third wife took care of everything, and to this day, he doesn't remember much about the whole ritual, almost as if there is a gigantic blank space in his mind where memories should be.

Much later, he attempted to have a talk with his grandfather, mostly hoping to take a load off his chest at the old man's expense. Grandpa gave him an excruciatingly long, thoughtless, cat-like look, and grinned widely. 

"Kids these days," he cackled. "Kids these days."

Nie Mingjue's emotional monologue was, perhaps, too convoluted for him.

...One Friday evening, Nie Huaisang returns from yet another committee meeting, looking very invigorated. "Big news, _gege_ ," he announces. "The opening song to my TV drama will be performed by _The Ghosts of the Yi City_."

"Is that a good thing?" Nie Mingjue asks cautiously.

Nie Huaisang furrows his eyebrows. " _The Ghosts of the Yi City_ ," he repeats. “ _Gege_ , don't tell me you've never... Come on, I'm not into idols myself, and especially not into boy bands ‒ well, boy and girl bands, they have a girl as their keyboardist, and she's only fifteen, imagine that ‒ but Xiao Xingchen is the best vocalist of this century! The very best! I have all of their albums, and he's _nothing_ like those other boy idols, and..."

"Sorry," Nie Mingjue laughs helplessly. "I'm more of a classic Western rock guy myself. But hey, it's great if you’re happy about this."

During dinner, they exchange more news about work ‒ Nie Huaisang is positively thrilled about his, because the committee has finally agreed to preserve a certain risqué storyline from his comic, a romance between the protagonist's honorable best friend and the cold-blooded villainess, with some modifications, of course, but _still_ ‒ and Nie Mingjue tries to sound chill and relaxed. Then, they turn on the TV, but neither seems to be interested in the program; eventually, Nie Mingjue takes a deep, nervous breath, and Nie Huaisang's shoulders stiffen ever so slightly.

"So," he says. "You see. About my hypothetical girlfriends."

"Yes, _gege_ ," Nie Huaisang nods respectfully.

"It might shock you, and... but you're my brother, so you deserve to know," Nie Mingjue sighs. "Anyway, don't expect me to bring any girlfriends here because I prefer guys. Men. It's fine if you need some time to process it, but since..."

"That's it?" Nie Huaisang smiles serenely. "And here I was expecting something nasty, like a bunch of illegitimate children."

"Well, _excuse_ me for not being interesting enough," Nie Mingjue huffs, secretly relieved by Nie Huaisang's rather comforting lack of reaction. "No, I don't have any children. But... thank you," he adds in a softer tone. "I appreciate it."

Nie Huaisang shakes his head. "Why wouldn't I accept you?" he mutters. "Trust me, I myself... Look, _gege_ , I have two... issues I want to talk about. One is simply confusing and another one is... plain terrible. Awful. Repulsive."

"Oh," Nie Mingjue rubs his chin. "Wait, I'll guess. A messy ongoing divorce where you are the villain."

"This is not funny!" Nie Huaisang protests. "Alright, let me start with the worst part. You and I, we only really met once when I was in elementary school, right?"

"Yeah," Nie Mingjue replies. "I should've approached you after dad's funeral, but I swear I pretty much lost my sanity and barely noticed anyone at all..."

"No, no!" Nie Huaisang exclaims. "Please don't apologize! I was just crying non-stop, and grandma even ended up giving me some weird herbal tincture. I'm afraid I wouldn't have recognized you. No, what I'm saying is... I've always admired you from afar, and I don't mean it in a bad way, but realistically speaking, we're strangers, more or less."

Nie Mingjue crosses his arms on his chest. Naturally. This is how he, too, feels about Nie Huaisang. This is precisely what caused his stupid infatuation in the first place. Their regrettable lack of normal, healthy connection.

Something not unlike despair flashes in Nie Huaisang's eyes. "Strangers, _gege_! I was so excited about meeting my amazing older brother, but then... I learned more about you as... an actual _person_ , and, uh ‒ I sort of developed a crush on you."

As he blurts this out, Nie Mingjue freezes in his seat, and the world around him fades away in a haze of shock. A crush on him. His half-brother Nie Huaisang is crushing on him. _They_ are crushing on each other. He pinches his wrist hard, hoping to wake up alone in his bedroom, and predictably, he doesn't.

Nie Huaisang's lower lip trembles sadly. "You must be so disgusted with me..."

"I'm not!" Nie Mingjue slams his fist against the coffee table, which admittedly makes him look downright furious. "Damn. I'm not. I'm... absolutely not. Not even remotely angry. Sorry, I just hit stuff a lot when I'm overwhelmed."

"Yes," Nie Huaisang squeaks.

"You're quite brave though," Nie Mingjue says, sorely tempted to pull the trembling boy into his embrace. "It must've been so hard for you. No offense, but I thought you weren't very bold at first, and now... I ‒ I appreciate your honesty."

I, however, won't be honest with you. Not ever. Not about this.

After a pause, it hits him. "Wait, doesn't that mean... you are also into guys?"

Nie Huaisang nearly winces. "Ah. Here comes the second part, I suppose. You view me as your little half-brother, right, _gege_? In other words, a man."

I do, unfortunately. "...obviously?"

Nie Huaisang scratches his neck. "Me, I've never been quite sure about it. Half the time, I wonder if I'm a girl in a guy's body, or maybe I'm neither a woman nor a man. Sounds dumb, yes," he chuckles self-deprecatingly. "How does that even work?"

Too shaken to be surprised about this new discovery, Nie Mingjue inches closer to Nie Huaisang and squeezes his small hand. Holding your distressed sibling's hand can’t be morally wrong. "Hey. I won't lie, this is not something _I_ can relate to, but who knows you better than yourself? As long as you are comfortable..."

Nie Huaisang’s long eyelashes flutter in sudden realization. "Doesn't that solve our problem though, _gege_? I may be into guys, or at least I may be into _you_ , but ‒ I'm also someone who might be a girl after all. A regular straight girl. It's hopeless to begin with! You'll never like me back, whether we're blood-related or not! I'll... get used to you as a relative as we spend more time together, and then it'll be over and done with."

Nie Mingjue blinks. This is quite possibly the most surreal conversation he has ever had in his life ‒ and he says that as someone who visits his grandpa every other Saturday ‒ but if nothing else, he and Nie Huaisang are not fighting, or yelling at each other, or crying. They are discussing this like normal people who genuinely want the best for each other. In other words, they are being remarkably _sane_ by their clan’s standards.

For a brief second, he feels a pang of guilt once again, now for a different reason. His sweet, fragile Nie Huaisang is dealing with his crush so courageously ‒ and he is pretending to be calm and reasonable, suppressing the growing obsession in his heart. A girl? Or someone who is neither a woman nor a man? If only it were so simple, my baby bird. If _only_. No, this is his duty as the older brother: he must endure it stoically and let Nie Huaisang outgrow his cute little crush in peace. Nie Huaisang is still figuring himself ‒ or herself? ‒ out; only a truly evil, depraved person would dare to prey upon this kid.

Incidentally, he is still holding Nie Huaisang's hand.

"I think we both need some rest," Nie Mingjue tells him as gently as he can manage and releases his fingers. "Enough confessions for today, eh?"

Much to his surprise, Nie Huaisang throws his arms around his neck. He smells like candy, this impossible, precious child. "I'm being so difficult, _gege_ ," he whispers. "So difficult and spoiled. Making you deal with my... eccentricities."

Nie Mingjue hugs his waist. It can be an innocent gesture, a sign of sincere closeness between siblings if they both believe it. Nie Huaisang is neither muscular nor bony, and the marshmallow softness of his body makes Nie Mingjue doubt his resolve ‒ for a single dangerous moment. "Say," he murmurs. "Do you want me to start treating you as a woman from now on? As... my sister?"

"No," Nie Huaisang responds. "Not _yet_. Or rather, I need to sort things out."

"Fair enough," Nie Mingjue agrees. "It sounds complicated."

"You have no idea!" Nie Huaisang throws his hands dramatically in the air as Nie Mingjue reluctantly lets him go. "When I tried talking to my mother about it, she told me I was the most capricious and annoying kid in existence." He wrinkles his nose, mimicking Madame Zhu's mannerisms with hilarious precision. "First you beg for new clothes ‒ with your unacceptable grades! ‒ then you go to art school, and _now_ you want to be a girl!"

Nie Mingjue raises his hand to caress Nie Huaisang’s cheek. "Ouch."

"We fight over everything," Nie Huaisang says dismissively. "Frankly, her opinions mean exactly nothing to me! Have you seen her so-called cocktail dresses? And her gaudy jewelry? She has zero fashion sense, but _no_ , I'm the one who's always wrong. And by the way, I wasn't _begging_. I was sixteen and reviewing my wardrobe. She'll keep reminding me of this till the end of time."

You love her, Nie Mingjue thinks. At least someone in our family loves Madame Zhu.

He practically carries Nie Huaisang to bed: the great artist needs some quality rest after a whole evening of revelations, and so does Nie Mingjue himself. " _Gege_ is so nice," Nie Huaisang mumbles and falls asleep the second his head touches the pillow.

Alone in the kitchen, Nie Mingjue glances at his phone. A _How have you been?_ from Lan Xichen is waiting patiently for his response in the messaging app, and Nie Mingjue wonders idly whether his best friend would be baffled at their predicament or not: after all, Lan Xichen has a younger brother, too, one that actually grew up with him. _Pretty great_ , he types. _My half-brother and I are getting along super well, it's incredible. Only, you know, turns out he might be my half-sister after all, and also we are in love with each other. Say hi to Wangji for me_.

"Yeah, right," he scoffs bitterly and erases the message.

He peeks into Nie Huaisang's bedroom to steal the last glance of his face and closes the door carefully. After a whole hour of tossing and turning in his overly spacious bed, Nie Mingjue gives up, turns on the light, searches for his earphones and downloads a couple of free sample tracks by _The Ghosts of the Yi City_. Nie Huaisang wasn't wrong: the whole Chinese Internet is losing its collective mind over the handsome vocalist, the lead guitarist who looks like a street gang member, the cool bass guitarist, and the fairy-like female keyboardist. As expected, their music is not really to his tastes for the most part, but his heart aches irrationally at the lyrics of Xiao Xingchen's romantic ballad.

"How sentimental," Nie Mingjue says and stares at the ceiling until the sun rises again.


	3. Damnation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I don't actually think they're this dumb in canon.

Sibling bonds are stronger than anything, even improper thoughts.

They may be busy during weekdays, but on weekends, Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang don't leave each other's sides. Nie Mingjue introduces Nie Huaisang to Lan Xichen; Lan Xichen informs Nie Mingjue in a private message that his sibling is very pleasant and lovely, absolutely nothing like him, and Nie Huaisang discovers that Lan Xichen also enjoys painting, which results in rather mixed feelings.

"He's so much more talented than me," Nie Huaisang tells Nie Mingjue, crestfallen. "It's incredible. His color sense, his taste for composition... Are you _sure_ it's a simple hobby for him?"

"He's a doctor," Nie Mingjue shrugs. "He barely has time for this."

"See?" Nie Huaisang sniffs. " _This_ is what I'm talking about. _I_ 've been drawing non-stop for Heaven knows how many years, but I'm just a decent commercial artist, and doctor Lan is a rare natural genius who does it for fun when he's not performing amputations."

Nie Mingjue sighs. To him, a person who can maybe draw a stick figure if he makes a conscious effort, all good art is, well ‒ good art. "I think you're both great in different ways," he explains patiently and wraps his arm around Nie Huaisang's shoulders. Then, he adds: "Also, I believe Xichen has never done amputations. Probably. I have no idea."

"Really?" Nie Huaisang gives him a sad corgi look.

"Yeah, really," Nie Mingjue assures him. "And by the way, you're better at coming up with plots. Seriously! Xichen and I, we both have zero imagination. I wish I were kidding. Back in school, we... got into trouble once, and our teacher _forgave_ us because our cover story was so dumb."

Nie Huaisang raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "I thought _gege_ and doctor Lan were model students!"

"Mostly, yes," Nie Mingjue replies evasively. "Anyway, what I'm _trying_ to say is that you're fine. Amazing, even. No need to compete with Xichen, okay?"

"Okay," Nie Huaisang smiles softly, clearly pleased with Nie Mingjue's words, and then, all of a sudden, raises his hand right up to the level of Nie Mingjue's face. "Look, _gege_ , I painted my nails. Pretty, huh? This color is called _Misty Pearl_."

Nie Mingjue stares respectfully at his manicure. Last week, Nie Huaisang bought several bottles of premium quality nail polish with names like _Dusty Rose_ , _Misty Pearl_ , _Tokyo Daydream_ , _Faint Twilight_ , and _Pastel Peach_ ; he was visibly afraid to use them at first, but now, he is flaunting his new piece of art with charming confidence. His hands are small and kind of chubby, with short fingers ‒ the cutest hands in the world as far as Nie Mingjue is concerned. Nie Mingjue honestly doesn't get why this nail polish is called _Misty Pearl_ and not _Very Light Shade of Pink, Almost White_ , which could be vastly more descriptive, but he is also not a colossally popular comic artist.

"Very nice," he nods. "Are you having fun with this?"

"I am!" Nie Huaisang beams happily. "My mother loves nail polish, but it's all... red. Bright red. Scarlet. Imagine how _that_ would look on my poor fat paws."

"Shut _up_ about your paws already," Nie Mingjue grunts and tackles Nie Huaisang into a hug, much to the latter's delight.

Frankly, they are doing well. Nothing about Nie Huaisang's behavior indicates that he might be miserable, and Nie Mingjue ‒ Nie Mingjue's emotions matter less because he is the older brother. One evening, while preparing dinner, Nie Mingjue glances pensively at Nie Huaisang, who is struggling with an onion, tears streaming down his face. "Hey," he says. "So how have you been?"

Nie Huaisang sneezes explosively. "Awesome. Oh, right, I haven't told you: the guy who's going to play my main character is _fantastic_ , super nice and friendly, and it helps that he is handsome enough for Li Yuan!"

Nie Mingjue carefully restrains himself from frowning: this is good, Nie Huaisang is paying attention to other men, men who are not related to him, and as a celebrity, he might even have a chance with this super nice handsome dude, assuming he is indeed super nice and not secretly sleazy like many TV stars. "Hmm."

"And I wasn't too impressed with their casting for Yi Meishan at first, but she's growing on me," Nie Huaisang continues and lops off a large chunk of onion, almost causing Nie Mingjue to flinch in terror: the knife isn't even too huge or heavy, because Nie Mingjue knows better than to give dangerous tools to this kid, but please, be more careful with your hands, you absolute dummy. "This isn't _quite_ how I pictured Yi Meishan in my mind, but the actress seems to be skilled. She should go ahead and do her own thing."

"Sounds reasonable," Nie Mingjue agrees. "No, I mean... You. Yourself."

Nie Huaisang catches his hint immediately. “"Ah. I'm alright, _gege_."

"I hope so," Nie Mingjue murmurs, wishing he could readily say the same about himself. "I just hope my presence isn't too... suffocating."

"Oh, come on," Nie Huaisang laughs and generously scatters the uneven chunks of onion all over the frying pan. "Listen, it's true that I'm still crushing on you, and of course I need time to get over you, but _gege_ , I'm twenty-three. I've been in love before. It's hard, but it won't break me, and either way I enjoy living with you."

"I hope so," Nie Mingjue repeats automatically. "Who was he?"

Nie Huaisang tilts his head to one side. "Who?"

With an apathetic expression on his face, Nie Mingjue casually breaks a carrot in two. "The dude you used to like."

"Nobody you know," Nie Huaisang answers nonchalantly, but something eventually forces him to give up. "It was my _classmate_. Our resident troublemaker. Very smart. I also liked someone from my art school. There, happy now?"

No, not in the slightest. "Did they treat you badly?"

Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes. "Badly? Why?"

"You said love was hard for you," Nie Mingjue grumbles, still busy destroying the carrot. "I assumed they were assholes."

"Love can be a massive problem even if your beloved is the absolute best person in the world," Nie Huaisang muses cryptically. "In any case, it wasn't that serious, and I barely remember their faces. Do we add salt now or later?"

They are not in the mood for movies, so after washing the dishes, they move to Nie Mingjue's room, where he digs out an antique-looking, old-fashioned photo album, a memento from his boarding school days, full of beautifully embarrassing pictures. Nie Huaisang nearly shrieks at the sight of a very big-eared and serious fourteen year old Nie Mingjue in school uniform, with a lanky, long-faced not-doctor Lan by his side, flips through some more pages, stops at their graduation photo, and then, much to Nie Mingjue's quiet, stunned horror, gives him a dry, airy peck on the cheek. Two or three seconds pass in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," Nie Mingjue mumbles.

Nie Huaisang rubs his forehead. "You? For what?"

Nie Mingjue hesitates. "For... my lack of consideration."

"Consideration?" Nie Huaisang shakes his head wearily. "What, you mean you behaved indecently by showing me your school pictures? You _provoked_ me or something? _I_ 'm the one who needs to apologize."

Nie Mingjue closes his eyes for a moment. His brain feels weirdly empty, almost as if he has finally used up all of his available thoughts, and his tongue doesn't obey him any longer. He remembers that ridiculous incident: their teacher laughed so much at their explanations, which were mostly made up by Nie Mingjue on the spot, he got hiccups. "Please, my dear boy," he wheezed. "You are one of my best students, but there is one thing you are unspeakably bad at: you look positively tortured when you are not telling the truth. Tortured and angry. Do yourself a favor and don't lie, preferably ever again, or you'll explode."

He hated being laughed at, but their teacher certainly had a point. "You... called yourself disgusting when you confessed to me."

Nie Huaisang clenches his hands on his knees. "Are you beginning to agree with me?"

"No," Nie Mingjue protests. "Never. _Never_ , you hear me?" Then, he squeezes Nie Huaisang's wrist. "If anything, I'm the terrible one here."

Nie Huaisang's face turns a little pale as Nie Mingjue continues. "I decided to act responsibly and didn't say anything back then, but, Huaisang ‒ it seems that we won't fix this if I keep lying to you. Lies won't get us anywhere. I like you. I _like_ you."

He stops, ready to be struck by lightning, which, regrettably enough, doesn't happen.

"...huh," Nie Huaisang mutters. "No, but ‒ even if I'm not really a guy after all?"

"I guess I'll have to reconsider some things about myself," Nie Mingjue chuckles. "Trust me, this is hardly the worst part. We can work with this," he suggests hastily, his hand still on Nie Huaisang's wrist. "Now that we've both admitted it, we can think of something. Devise a plan. Set clear limits. Focus on other people..."

He never finishes his line because Nie Huaisang’s lips press against his, and the demons inside him respond with gleeful exaltation.

Several blissful centuries later, he gently pushes Nie Huaisang away from himself. "Can't we make this a farewell?" Nie Huaisang whimpers. "Nothing big. We won't continue this tomorrow. Hard limits. It'll be easier for us if we do something definite and final."

You need to comfort him, says Nie Mingjue's conscience shaped curiously like doctor Lan, he is lost and terrified. Nie Mingjue presses Nie Huaisang tightly to his chest. " _Nothing_ big," he swears to someone who is neither his brother nor himself. Nie Mingjue is very much a man in every sense of the word, and a careless movement of Nie Huaisang's hand or thigh might easily result in something ugly, so he simply caresses Nie Huaisang's back and silently prays to all gods from _The Demonic Cultivator's Blessing_ , begging them to prevent his body from doing what male bodies often do, just this one time. "One more kiss should be definite enough."

They both smell and taste like their dinner, which should be rather repugnant in theory, but somehow, it doesn't affect Nie Mingjue at all. "Two is such an odd number, _gege_ ," Nie Huaisang pleads when their lips part once again. "Three, at least..."

"Two is an even number, actually," Nie Mingjue corrects him weakly.

After twelve more kisses, all very definite and final, Nie Mingjue practically orders Nie Huaisang, who looks quite disheveled and bright pink, to take a shower and go to bed, which admittedly sounds a bit too ambiguous in context, but they silently agree to ignore the unfortunate implications. Nie Huaisang attempts to bring up the topic of moving out, but Nie Mingjue glares at him and promises to kill him and then himself if he mentions it again, because running away from their problems is obviously counterproductive, and Nie Huaisang complies immediately.

"You’re very kind," Nie Huaisang whispers into his ear. "You are kinder than anyone else. Good night, _dage_."

_Dage_. Nie Huaisang called him _gege_ during their rare and brief encounters when he was eight and Nie Mingjue was fourteen, and evidently that sort of stuck, but now, he is trying something different; one can only wonder why. Not that it changes anything: tomorrow will be a new day, and this evening will undoubtedly be forgotten like a peculiar fever dream. Nie Huaisang will draw another picture or work on his new story, paint his nails, try a new hairstyle, and share his top secret in-progress plot details with Nie Mingjue. Someday, he might decide to start living as a woman, but no matter what he chooses, Nie Mingjue will treasure him, or her, as his single most important person.

And surely, they won't make the same mistakes ever again.

For the first time in a long while, Nie Mingjue slowly falls into deep, peaceful sleep.


End file.
